1. |
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a performer's prayer
please today, let me play
let us align
let my throat soften and my tongue fall let my breath be easy
and let me bring
and let me sing
please today, let me play
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2. |
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in the hard blue light the soft red meat flashes by and he lets it fly, despairing
he understands
why his mother, like a melon swollen
her trembling legs stepped out
onto the thin long line that
narrowed and vanished
into a blue grey horizon
why she crouched in the stinking fish hold,
tried to hide herself as poles of light wrung the wet air
kept her head down as paper was scratched and stuffed
with chicken scratch blue and black scrawls
and stern faces furrowed and unmarked hands pulled
shoving sometimes tearing occasionally caring and
why she waited for years behind the fence
her tiny dark eyed boy always
there
she fled a country where tomorrow's meal was never guaranteed
bent double in a field where a broken arm could mean
where one failed season could mean
where one missed payment or one raised voice or one foot wrong or just about anything it seemed could mean
the end
and how did he arrive
lost inside
the unrealised dreams
of a swollen, sandalled woman?
yesterday a man was dragged
into the big machine
they cleaned him out and within hours
it seemed
the machine roared again like a great steel mountain
like a huge shaking wall of metal and pastel
and blades and carnage and death
last week a lady broke her arm
when some railing collapsed
she was sent home
and she won’t be coming back
how is it
he's still here?
his situation nearly as fragile
as if he stood calf deep
in the rice paddies of his mother’s village
why does he stay
and why every day
negotiates the blood slick grated floor?
for the sun which lies
nestled under
one huge blanket in the second room
he stinks of offal and death
the door squeaks on stained hinges and
the floor complains as it bows
for the warmth of her touch
the huge brown eyes
the - daddy? whispered sleepy as she hears him
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3. |
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it's still hard to swallow
the last words that you said
i hope you feel ashamed
dull and washed out colours
shimmer through my head
it still feels like a dream
and i stood in the yard
and i cried
and i asked you to stay
and you cried and looked tired
and you walked away
and you never looked back
but i swore that you smiled
brother i tried
i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town
and out near the church
where the stone flowers grow
where we buried you
under the ghost gum
and dad wouldn't come
and everyone watched me
but i couldn't cry
brother i tried
i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town
now when the wind blows
dusty dry and dead
i miss you in my bones
i still see the twisted metal
like a giant carcass spread
i feel so alone
and i stood in the yard
and i cried
and you wouldn't stay
and you cried and looked tired
and you turned away
and you never looked back
but i swore that you smiled
brother i tried
i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town
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4. |
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I wish I was a bird in the sky
i'd fly fly fly never come down
I wish I was a wave in your eye
i'd sigh sigh sigh til I was drowned
I wish I was a flame in your heart
I wish that I could tear you all apart
curling and licking and burning like a star
all that you had
was all that you gave
but in every single way
you fell down
even when the windows
were turned to face the lake
every single voice
screamed turn down!
if I didn't love you best then
you're bound
to rest your face on the windowed lake
til i'm drowned
you can be a bird in the sky
and fly, fly, fly and never come down
and you can be the stone in my eye
i'll cry, cry, cry til my heart is ground
and once I was the flame in your heart
that drove away the horror and the dark
hold to that hearth it will blaze
and bring you home
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5. |
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Life In A Police State (a taste provided with all the courtesy of a western country, paranoid and deluded)
i cannot imagine
the sound of helicopters
day and night
like a grey fog
humming
reminding
“this is not your city.”
“you have no control.”
“ yes you live and struggle and love and die. but you do it because i allow it. you do it at my whim.
do not enrage me. do not taunt me. do not mock me. or i will swoop down and destroy you.”
“i can vanish those that you love.”
“i can make them scream for hours.”
“i can erase them from their bodies, never to return.”
“just go about your business.”
“but never forget."
and the helicopters
like huge, angry birds
soar
and are never still
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6. |
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it's so quiet
it's so still
everything's suspended
i can hear my breath
i'm not tired
i've no guilt
i know nothing really ended
when you laughed to death
when i raise up my hands i swear
i can feel the space
i can feel the space
like a ball
and i hear to the curve of the
horizon
i can hear it
hear it all
and you fell
in the face
of impossible demands
like a fire
in a fog
half a boy and half a man
it's so quiet
it's so still
everything's suspended
i can hear my breath
and you fell
in the face
of impossible demands
with your heart
in the world
and your feet snared in the land
i'm not tired
i've no guilt
i know nothing really ended
when you laughed to death
when i raise up my hands i swear
i can see your face
colours and the shapes
see it all
and i feel
time roar at the horizons
hold it in my arms
like a ball
it's so quiet
it's so still
everyone is leaving
they're all bored to death
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7. |
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Oh to be your King
Bound in ritual and desire
I'd like that more than anything
More than love and more than either
A realised life and more than gold
I want to feed upon your shame
And if I cannot make the rain come down again
You can be the one who lights the flame
And my faith lives on
From the branch where the water sprung
As it pours and tumbles
The fear will wash away be
Gone
Everyone will pray
Crown me and bind me
Bleed me and drive me
Take what's good inside me
Away
Oh to be your King
Bound in ritual and blood
Know that from faith is power born
And as below then so above
Wrap me in your thorns
Roll me down the mission stairs
Let me lie there in your arms
Now I know trust is worthless
Have my heart
And send me away
Crown me and bind me
Bleed me and drive me
Take what's good inside me
Away
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8. |
Koshish - 1.
06:30
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9. |
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look at this rambling slurring mess
look at these drunken blood shot eyes
i know him i confess
but i can't remember where his heart lies
lifting the bottle to his chin
breathing out and drinking in
the world is huge and he's afraid
of all the hurt that he has made
and i want know
where promises are buried when they go
and everybody tries
but you can't forever hang your head or forever hide your eyes
and it hurts less when i'm stoned
and nothing matters when i'm pissed
all the lies that i was told
and all the shitheads that i miss
there'll be another one to drink
til i can't see and i can't think
til i can't see you standing there
in the garden by the stairs
and i want know
where promises are buried when they go
and everybody tries
but you can't forever hang your head or forever hide your eyes
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10. |
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I want to be in love
and be part of
something that feels bigger than me
I'm searching for that stomache ache
for that deep gut shake
for deep sighs that feel more like cuts and bleeds
I wish that I was still in love with you
and I wish that you were still in love with me
hey you
why aren't you happy by yourself
cause you just keep fucking it up?
why not accept that it's all temporary
shut up and suck it up
why not just drink with your friends
and rise with some relief
that there's no need to wake quietly
and no one to steal your sheets
why do we want to be in love?
i don't want to be in love
i don't want to be in love with you
and i wish that i was still in love with you
and i wish that you were still in love with me
i want to be in love
and be part of
your life your friends and all that you can be
and I wish that I was still in love with you
and I wish that you were still in love with me
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11. |
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when i woke up i nearly cried
cause that last part of you was gone
i couldn’t hear your voice inside
my head i couldn’t hear your songs
from outside sun came hurling in
instead of claustrophobic night
first time in months that i felt hinged
first time i didn’t wake in fright
i don’t miss you
so bad that i can’t sleep
i don’t miss you
so bad that i don’t eat
i don’t miss you
that much anymore
shed wasn’t where you used to hang
garden not where i heard your last words
wandered up to the paddock and the tank
couldn’t think for the crickets and the birds
i don’t miss you
so bad that i can’t sleep
i don’t miss you
so bad that i don’t eat
i don’t miss you
that much anymore
choices are really hard
but i think mine are made
pitch a tent in the yard
make you proud i stayed
i don’t miss you
so bad that i can’t sleep
i don’t miss you
so bad that i don’t eat
i don't miss you
i'll always love you
but you just hurt too much
i don’t miss you
that much anymore
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12. |
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13. |
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Spin me like a tiny little thread
Bind me to your world with your woven thread
Tie me tightly to your soul
And never let me go
Never let me go
Turn me upside down inside my head
Squeeze me cruelly until I'm pale and bled
Chew me like a crust of bread
And never let me go
Never let me go
Never let me go
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14. |
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i remember waking early
and tired, willing the hours to pass until i could call
you and hear your tight voice
repressed and frantic and sexy as fuck
and how my heart would sprint
as my phone rung like a bell struck
oh fuck maybe it's you
we can meet
clandestine
discreet
because your friends couldn't know
but public
so you could flee
when the great jelly mass became too hard to hold
and the edged details couldn't be managed anymore
and i would linger over the tiniest
details of your latest misadventure
naked new year dancing and gross propositions
throwing up in public toilets
and fuck the endless lies
fuck the endless lies
fuck the endless lies
and now again
we swim through cloudy summer air
i'm stomping paced belligerent
our long and sad affair
from a first floor balcony we colluded
and spun
like alabaster tops, violent and brittle
and i jumped
hands held knowing you couldn't remain alone
and you couldn't
and you didn't
you never dared
you never tried
fuck your endless lies
fuck your endless lies
fuck your endless lies
and there's too much left unsaid
as i caterwaul and twist
through great unknown cluster mysteries of
dank constellations and swirling gas galaxies screaming
your angular trajectory
gathers dull stones
with blank and simple faces
and you leech
convinced of your fecundity
denying your vampirism
fuck your endless lies
fuck your endless lies
fuck your endless lying
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15. |
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Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Make a place in your heart for where she's found
Let it down let it down let it down now
Sleep is a sedative for the pain
Let it fall away
Sleep is a sedative for the pain
Let it fall away
Sleep is a sedative for the pain
Let it fall away
Sleep is a sedative for the pain
Let it fall away
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Make a place in your heart for where she's found
Let it down let it down let it down now
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
All she wants is a place she can call her home
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
Let it down let it down let it down now
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16. |
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Home Records Australia
Home Records has been existing quietly since 2015.
He could be the father that you wished you never had.
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